CHICK SINGER INFRACTIONS SCHEDULE

 Doesn't know keys to songs, $10

 Doesn't know when to come in, $15

 Leaves stage when not singing lead vocal, $20

 Late for gig, $30

 Walks off stage to use cell phone on gig, $15

 Uses cell phone on stage during gig, $30

 Modulates without informing band, $20

 Lays mic down on stage and walks off stage, $15

 Lays mic down facing kick drum, $20

 Lays mic down facing guitar amp, $25

 Lays mic down facing monitor, $50

 Points mic towards monitor causing feedback during song, $75

 Takes up over one hour getting EQ setting on monitors, still
 gripes about them, $75

 Wants to sing Crazy by Patsy Cline more than once a night, $100

 Gets off key singing a capella, $25

 Leaves stage to argue with boyfriend, $35

 Dates a musician in band, $50

 Dates the drummer, $150

 Argues with band members onstage, $150

 Argues offstage with boyfriend musician, $175

 Argues onstage with boyfriend musician, $200

 Drops mic, $10

 Can't figure out how to connect cable to mic, $15

 Holds guitar but doesn't play, $15

 Plays guitar but plays wrong chords, not plugged in, $25

 Plays guitar, wrong chords, plugged in, $250

 Stands onstage but doesn't sing harmonies, $30

 Sings bad harmonies, $35

 Sings harmonies already contributed by band member in song, $40

 Plays tambourine out of time, $50

 Straight-arms mic when singing, $15

 Sings too softly, $5

 Leaves tambourine, drink, charts, entertainer's secret laying all
 over stage, $25

 Forgets original singer of song, $10

 Makes up 4th verse to 3 verse song, $100

 Gripes at band onstage, $20

 Gripes at band onstage over mic, $75

 Uses fictitious last name, $50

 Powders nose, sprays perfume, sprays hairspray, brushes hair,
 freshens up lipstick onstage, $15

 Stops song halfway through and starts over, $25

 Continues singing in old key after song changes to new one, $30

 Forgets words, $20

 Sings verses out of order in song, $15

 Forgets to sing bridge, $25

 Holds words to song while singing onstage, $20

 Doesn't know how to adjust mic stand, $15

 Looks at pager while singing song, $15

 Sings consistently flat, $25

 Sings consistently sharp, $25

 Just plain ol' can NOT sing, buys band a round of drinks

 Leaves lipstick all over mic, $100

 Telling jokes over mic, $5

 Telling BAD jokes over mic, $50

 Telling bad joke and then laughing hysterically about it over
 mic, $500

 Singing "Stand By Your Man" in the key of A, $30

 Thinking that "Poor Pitiful Me" is a new Terri Clark song, rather
 than an old Warren Zevon song, $50

 Thinking that "I Will Always Love You" is a new Whitney Houston
 song, rather than an old Dolly Parton song, $100

 Dolly who? $50

 Patsy who? $100

 Dumps management, band etc. after making the big time, $10,000

 Hates the phrase "chick singer", $500